Life supports us with love, and it is up to us whether or not we can see the gift it is offering.
This morning I am aware of some feelings of vulnerability. How I choose to respond to these feelings is the opportunity being offered to me. In the past I would have gone into panic and survival and felt like my world was going to fall apart without much provocation. I have been so fond of drama and fighting with the world, but these days Im aware of how counter-productive this approach can be. Sounds pretty apparent, doesn’t it? Sort of like a great big Well d’uh. But really, I see lots of people go around in a state of non awareness reacting to life in great big hairy angry Im- such- a- victim kinds of ways, that I know I’m not alone.
When the mail came yesterday with a notice that momentarily sent me into a panic, I just kept breathing. I went back to the Four Agreements (see sidebar), to see what the lesson might be for me, and whaddya know? Really, all four of the agreements apply to the situation at hand.
I write about all of this to remind myself and share with you that we always have choices. Yesterday when I was in panic, at one point I wondered “what can I create inside to feel better to make this easier?”
And so I’ll just keep asking myself these questions. What is the gift? What is my part? Can I be true to my word and my values? What do I need to do to do my best? What do I want? What is my intent? What’s my next step.
These are the questions I hope will help as I navigate the moments when Life Happens in ways I never really expect.
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I like to make note of personal change when I become aware of it. Last night I was in a meditative state and I enjoyed being in the moment. Do you relate to being agitated, antsy, allowing the monkey mind to take over? Do you hear the voices whining “aren’t we done yet? what time is it? are you sure you are doing it correctly?” The mind can be so silly, and so darned persistent!
But last night during the monthly Reiju blessing offered by Pamir Kiciman, I allowed myself to just be and receive, to stop worrying, to watch those voices rise up but not give them power. I know that this is what we always read about meditation, but last night I gave myself that gift of letting go. In the moment last night I let go of the voice that said “I don’t meditate” or “I have trouble with meditation” or “I don’t like sitting and not be doing something.” Last night I saw myself as someone who is not those voices. And I allowed in the blessings of reiju energy, which I experienced as soft and yummy, uplifting and light and transporting. I experienced sweet dreams last night, slept soundly, woke knowing I had visited other planets and came back with an awareness of being bathed in blue light.
What if I allowed that experience of being more often? I wonder what that might be like?
The photograph above is of redwood tree needles. I was attracted to the new growth of the needles when I took the photo in March. When I look at the photo now, I see energy dancing.
What a blessing it is to see these moments of newness and to allow the receiving of the gift.
Does the shift I describe resonate with you? I’d love to hear your story.
I experience joy in letting others know about the love that Pamir offers to humanity by recommending his monthly Reiju blessings. It has been a significant part of my healing process for the past year. You can read his description of Reiju here
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When I created this blog last summer, I wasn’t really sure what I would write about on a consistent basis — or if I even could. I just knew that how I was experiencing life was changing. Writing about it, I found out, as time went on, was challenging. I couldn’t stop and write about what was happening, because I needed to live it. I needed to stay in the moment, to grieve what was changing, to look at behaviors that were troubling me. The process was much too personal for me to share.
I so appreciate being alive when so many on the planet are waking up to Themselves. I am grateful for the many teachers who are assisting us ~ Abraham-Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Mike Dooley ~ and all the many more who do not have national and international recognition. Spending time on Facebook and Twitter has shown me how much people yearn to live up to their full potential, and how many are out there to help us.
And so I’m stopping in today to say hello. I have no idea if anyone reads this blog. It’s not really important. Who I really needed to say hello to was myself, anyway.
Last summer, when I was thinking about being an Awareness Apprentice, a friend of mine said “Remember in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice how Mickey created chaos in his desire to learn the sorcerer’s magic?” In retrospect, that is sort of what it’s been like, and often still is. Let go of the past and the floodgates of emotion are bound to break open. Then breathe. Breathe in Now. Breathe in Now. Breathe in Now. It’s all we have.
It’s OK. The emotions are OK. The fear is OK. The voices have something to teach us. We may have stories about who we are, but they are just stories. We can write new ones.
Today I know I am Loving and Loveable. Every day I feel less and less broken. I am taming those wild emotions that used to control me, and sometimes still do. I am learning how. Breathe in. Breathe out. Are those feelings true, or are they just one of my stories? What is true? What do I want? Ask and see what happens.
I’ll be back and write some more when I have something more to share. No pressure. Just Be.
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Fire Begonia Mandala – © Sue O’Kieffe 2009
As I was creating this image, I realized how much mandala making helps me see. As I stay aware of what I’m doing, sometimes I find solutions to self-induced creative problems. It’s so easy to get all bunched up inside. I suppose this is true for lots of artists, as we learn new techniques and consider new possibilities. But I love those Aha! moments that help me realize how limiting my thinking is at times. When I allow Spirit to guide me towards the answers I need, and not keep my arms mentally crossed against my chest, I am awarded immediate awards of awareness.
And here I am, working with the lucky number 13 in this mandala, which often connotes simultaneous endings and beginnings. I believe Spirit is telling me it is time to put some closure on my self-limiting thinking and believing in order to move forward to the larger life I desire.
How about you?
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THE GODDESS OF CREATIVE POWER ~ © Sue O’Kieffe 2009
A couple of nights ago I began a conversation with my guidance asking why I’ve had laryngitis for over two weeks. The answers I’ve been receiving have been most revealing. I have a history of “issues” with my voice, anyway and I have been working all summer on healing that part of my past.
My guidance told me that I lost my voice because I did not appreciate its power. I was told I was not being punished. I asked if I had somehow created this situation and was told yes. When I first became sick, I remember being terrified of losing my voice as I coughed and coughed. This shows me what a powerful manifester I have become, and what a powerful example of the Law of Attraction this experience has been.
In meditation I saw my voice as a candle. The flame was lit and bright but there was rope around it. The binding was my laryngitis . Instead of focusing on this image, I decided to draw a healing image, so I could see something strong and positive before me.
I love this goddess. I saw her immediately as terra cotta statuary. The symbolism on her body and around her head represent ideas waiting to be expressed. I am intrigued that she is a mermaid. I’ve done some research on mermaid symbolism, but I’ve not read anything yet that resonates with me. The three roses represent Maiden/Mother/Crone. She has the bluebird of happiness sitting on her shoulder offering her messages ( alittle birdie told me). And she wears a medallion on her throat that helps her effectively communicate her thoughts and feelings. The medallion symbolizes her ideas (the triangle) about the Self (the sun), growth (the spiral) and relationships (the equidistant cross) held in completeness (the circle). She sees much (the eyes=clairvoyance), even with one eye closed. She is powerful and she knows it. I am going to print and frame her, and put her on my altar.
Losing my voice has been a powerfully introspective time for me. The irony of losing my voice while Mercury (planet of communication) has been in retrograde is not lost on me either. I am so so ready, though, to join my Quantum Self who is already laughing and singing.
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Baby Driver ~ © Sue O’Kieffe 2009
I have always been creative. And I experienced a lot of illness beyond normal childhood stuff as a child.
For the past week I have been down with seasonal influenza stuff. Once I got past the first 24 hours of symptoms, I was doing relatively ok, taking care of myself as best I could, doing the things you are supposed to do during recovery. And I continued to make art.
I did alot of art when I was sick as a child too.
I’ve been thinking about that the past couple of days, and what I think is that I found making art healing back then…just as I do now. I think my childhood higher self was directing me even then to do the things that felt good and right to me, no matter what anyone else said.
I created Baby Driver while I was lying in bed because I wanted some color in my life. My Baby Driver, she just wants to go and go and go.
The Awareness Apprentice
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FREEDOM MANDALA ~© Sue O’Kieffe 2009
I am involved in a freedom ride protesting the loss of the minority rights belonging to the few remaining earthbound stars. All we demanded was our right to twinkle. ~Marilyn Monroe
I’ve been reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I put the agreements on my sidebar because the book isn’t mine and I want to keep those agreements close by. These agreements are a path to emotional freedom, and I have to tell you, they are HARD. They run counter-intuitive to everything I have believed, the culture mirrors, and certainly from what I witnessed as a child. I have been trying to live a drama ~ free diet for a couple of years now. The more aware I become, the less I want to engage with people who view themselves either as victims or as petty tyrants. They sap my energy. I can barely watch TV dramas like Law and Order or CSI anymore. I crave optimistic uplifting people, music, art, beauty, nature. I want to be open and opened. But oh, my. When it comes to letting go of blame when I’m upset with someone else, Lord Ah-mighty. It’s HARD. I hope it gets easier. I’m sure the Universe will supply me with lots of opportunities to practice. I’m pretty good at creating situations that help me grow and learn. (But are you sure I can’t blame that other person anymore? Sigh.)
This morning, while I was looking for quotes about freedom to share on Twitter, I came across the one I sited here. I can only imagine how much Marilyn longed for the right to twinkle, and that she never believed she had the ability to embrace that right.
We are all meant to shine like the great big stars that we are.
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